Pink Promise.....a life affirmation.

Over the weekend, Sunday to be exact, my friends and family planted the "Pink Promise" rose out at the Ranch in honor of those we love and have loved who have and are battling Breast Cancer. This isn't a cause I rally for.....regrettably, I have my own cause, Heart Defects that I rally for, but, I could not look away anymore. I wrote a post a couple of months ago about living like you were dying.....I mentioned my step sister - she battled Breast Cancer and beat it the first time.....but, it's back, in different places and she began chemo treatments on Friday. I cannot know what it is like for the warrior who battles this horrific disease, but, I can and do know what it is like to watch loved ones suffer- and it sucks.

I was at the Home Depot on Sunday when I called to speak with my Mother, to get the latest news on my step sister - my Mother, who, while sometimes lives with rose colored glasses, was not her usual rosy self. This I could not take. She gave me the most recent information, that did not seem exactly positive, she, seemed defeated. This I could not take. After our phone call, I made my way into the store, tear filled eyes - I could not hold back my sadness - as I was loading a cart with my garden soil, there, next to the dirt was a display of roses "Pink Promise", a rose for the awareness of Breat Cancer - isn't it swell how the Universe, The Divine speaks to you.....just as you need it to, when you need it to, inspiration is placed in front of you. Of course, I bought a rose, called my Dad and asked him to prepare a place - I was bringing out the rose and when my friends arrived, we would have a planting ceremony. Each of us has known someone who has battled cancer, some have won, others have lost - each of us had someone to honor as we planted Pink Promise. We all cried, laughed and gave of our hearts, telling the Universe, The Divine, we are supporting each other, fighting shoulder to shoulder, kicking ass and taking names.....do not mess with us or our Sisters. The ceremony was an affirmation of our friendship, our familial bond and our Spirit, a small gesture in a big battle, that gave us all hope. (There she is agin, HOPE!)

We enjoyed our day emensly, celebrating life, eating, laughing, LIVING - in honor of those we love.

http://anenlightenedheart.blogspot.com/2009/02/live-like-you-were-dyin.html

"The only way to have a life is to commit to it like crazy". Angelina Jolie

Now, she is one crazy broad. Angeline Jolie. Brad Pitt aside, let's think about this....six kids, make movies, travel the world doing good.....be richer than your wildest dreams and look good doing it. I don't necessarily find her inspirational, but, if she weren't famous maybe I could get close to being inspired.....that's just my judge sitting on my shoulder pointing out that lots of people have equally fabulous lives, but, we don't know about it because they aren't "Angelina Jolie", right? So, mostly I was admiring how she appears to live her quote and that made me jealous that she has the balls to do just that, commit to a life, like crazy. Now, sorting out the part where I figure out what I want my life to be about.....that would be the hard part. Baby steps, she says......baby steps. Have I mentioned that I am not a patient person, well, I'm not. I want my fabulous life, NOW! Baby steps...remember, baby steps.

So, here's what I do know, I love to write. I've secretly been a writer most of my life. Well, maybe not entirely secretly, but, I haven't embraced it, nor have I really shared it with too many people. As a teen I wrote many angst ridden poems, love letters, and small essays, not even really essays, but, blurbs. These pagees of emotion are still around, and every so often I get them out and read through them....reliving the horror that is teen angst. So, writing is within me....waiting to be nurtured, encouraged, embraced and honed. This is something I would like to do. Could I do it and make money? Do I have the chops to brave it out in the world with my heart wide open like a target waiting for the hat trick? I'd like to think I might have the guts....I've been through alot and survived worse things, I think.

And, I know something else; I want to give - until I don't hurt anymore. What do I have to give? My heart, literally. But, first I have to commit and I don't know how. I'm not talking about committing to a romantic relationship, I'm talking about committing to love, unromantic, selfless, spiritual love. Like the nun said; "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love". (Mother Theresa). So, committing like crazy to brandishing my heart every single day of my life to give someone love, kindness, hope and peace, that is what I have to figure out how to do. Crazy is right. Behind the scenes, I am sorting through the concept I have brewing on how I might find this craziness, bare with me, the fear follows me around like a hungry, stray dog, (which as a dog lover I am always inclined to feed), so, I have to decide how I might save the dog, yet, not feed the fear.

....a lesson revealed......

My Niece and I grew these wonderful Morning Glories. We were mesmerized by the process. We planted seeds in a rectangular planter box and watched as they broke through the soil, emerging as tiny tentacles, reaching for the sky. As they became ungangly and started attaching themselves to the patio uprights, we transplanted them to the yard, near a chain link fence, so they would wrap themselves up there and grow at their leisure. It wasn't long before we realized they had surpassed all expectation and had wound their way up into the trees near the fence where we planted them and even more fascinating was that they grew all the way up the tree almost to the height of the nearby telephone poles. I could not believe it when I realized and called my Niece to point it out to her. She was so thrilled that OUR Morning Glories had really reached the sky! Neither of us knew it at the time, but, Mother Nature was teaching us another of Her lessons, that with love and care and room to grow, we can all reach the sky. And, Her lesson did not show itself until tonight when I selected the Morning Glories photograph as my inspiration. Further, there is an added element to the lesson, the Divine has perfect timing and revealed this lesson to me when I was ready to receive it, not before. I remember vividly the time frame when my Niece and I were growing these flowers and revelled in the joy it brought us both watching their progress and caring for them, however, what came to me tonight, did not strike me until now. There were other lessons being taught at that time.....I wonder if I can recall those lessons? Not so much, only that growing flowers from seeds was easy and rewarding.....how often does that happen in life? Great return on simple investment, eh? Perhaps the lesson was communicated to both of us back when we grew these flowers and we intrinsically garnered from it at the time, however, as I am trowelling through my own personal growth spurt the lesson re-revealed itself in a way so as to show me I have only to give myself a little love and care and the sky is the limit. Again, my new favorite teacher, Mother Nature......reminding me, over and over again, that you can be reborn and live the life you deserve, want and dream about.

"My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet". Edith Wharton

My goal in life is to become as wonderful as my dog thinks I am. Texas is a state unto his own. He is mighty and proud. He is sweet and sensitive. This little dog is a king in his jungle. He strutts, he strides, he parades, he patrols, and whoofs and growls and hollers. He embraces his enormous ego and brandishes his courage. Oh, to be as self confident as my dog. I know that when I come home at night this little creature will be so overwhelmed with happiness that his whole body is taken over by his enthusiasm. He squirms, wriggles, squeals and squeeks his happiness, tail wagging, body twisting with delight. Oh, but to be that excited to see someone, to love so freely, energetically and with complete abandon. We should all take a page out of his book, do as he does, love freely, energetically and with complete abandon. I wish that I could.....to be so honest with myself, so forgiving that I can be free to love without judgement or cynicism. If I could but love with a dog's heart, I would be free. I cannot tell you how many lessons my little dog has taught me. I know, there is a poem written about the lessons dogs teach us all, but, what Texas has taught me, has been about myself, or rather, what I should examine about myself. My first lesson was about weariness, little Texas is always, first cautious about strangers, as am I and with that lesson I learned that maybe I could be just a little less closed off and more accessible. So many more, like, making my own fun....Texas is an "only dog", so, oftentimes he has to entertain himself, and therefore, he's become pretty good at creating situations where he can either manipulate me into retreiving his chewie or relocating it with a flip from his long snout, so that he can scamper after it. He is also quite good at hiding the chewie so as to have something to play hide and seek with. This would be a standard type of game a dog might play, however, poor Texas grew up in an apartment and believes that if a chewie is placed 'out of the way', but, not necessarily 'buried' it is hidden - often times the chewie is quite literally in plain sight, yet my little hero believes with all of his hiding prowess I should not be able to see his treasure. He will sit adjacent to it, usually with his back to it, watching me or whomever is in the room with narrowed eyes and stance at the ready, should the hiding spot of his chewie be discovered. Much to my family's delight, we have all enjoyed Texas making his own fun. One of our favorites is when he 'buries' a chewie in the couch.....any ol' couch will do, so long as you don't expect to sit on it where he has buried his treasure. It is poetically obvious Texas was bread to 'go to ground' when he 'digs' at the couch or carpet when he wants to bury or cover something up, as he did not grow up digging in real dirt. However, since we moved to the country he has had the pleasure of digging in real dirt.....again, in a messed up kind of poetic way, when he's digging in the real dirt, he has no idea why, because it would never occur to him to bury a chewie in dirt....because then how awful would that taste, eh? He has discovered in the limited little garden I grew last year that small frogs live there and they are fun to scout out, but, alas, he has not figured out that they are, to some species, edible. He can be found in the garden, under the massive zucchini leaves, sniffing and snorting around, with his long snout, burrowing into the soft dirt, on the hunt for more of the hopping, skipping little critters. Again, he does not know that he is a dog and that dogs most likely eat frogs, when they can catch one. Then, there it is, the crux of the matter.....Texas has not been able to catch a frog.....(Thank you God). I do have to give him props though for the Mole he dug up. We were having a serious Mole problem in the front and back yards, mind you that we have a 'landscaped' front and back yard, aside from the two additional acres of dirt and greenery, but, the Moles only wanted to hang out in the newly sodded front and back yards, so, we were having a pest control company come out to deal with the little varmints..............I'm not a big fan of actually killing little animals in inhumane ways, (ie; chemicals), however, the sod cost a large amount of money and the Moles were really working it over. And, honestly, the pest company assured me that they were only using a vibration device to motivate the moles into leaving.....but, my Dad is another element I could not control, nor could the Moles have seen coming.....he believed in drowning the little s.o.b's....so, hoses were run into various Mole holes and alas, Texas found one, not so alive, as he was digging in the flower bed, where a previous Mole hole cave in had occured. Boy, was he proud...."look Mom, I finally caught something that I did not flip into the air myself", I'm sure he was saying to me with his ever expressive eyes, as I took the dead Mole from his mouth and threw it in the dumpster. Poor Texas sat vigil at the dumpster for quite some time that afternoon, until he saw Kitty from next door and his attention was diverted long enough to forget why he was there. I am to blame for his truncated abilities in the wild, but, I am okay with that, as I fear he would be hard pressed to make a go of it in the wild, he is far too comfortable in His castle and in his bed to be tempted to venture beyond his ability to see or hear me. So, I am quite happy to have him as the heartbeat at my feet.