Do - over please.....

I feel guilty for using yet another PINK flower for my post....yet, I have nothing in the old portfolio that inspires me at the moment. I really need to get out and shoot some inspiration.

It seems like it has been almost half as long as I have been blogging since I wrote a good post, since I really just wrote honestly. I chew on a lot of stuff and think, "I should write about that" and then for some reason decide I don't want to invest in what I was turning over in my head. Maybe because most of it seems like a rehash.

When I find myself rehashing the same stuff over and over again I find that it is because I'm avoiding something else and that I have plateaued with a particular issue and decide to hang around beating it over and over again because whatever else it is I'm trying to process is scarier (or more disappointing) than what I just worked through. See? Rambling to avoid moving on......

School has not turned out to be as wonderful as I had hoped and I am contemplating another place to continue school. I am only in the 2nd quarter of school at the place I am going and am already so disappointed and dissatisfied that it pains me to go every day (I know, melodramatic). I was so excited to be back in school and to learn new things and meet new people and challenge myself.....blah, blah, blah....

Turns out I'm getting totally fleeced and it is taking FOREVER and I've just been sitting around letting it happen....I've been very grumpy lately and I know it is because I feel like I made a bad decision and will look like a fool if I change direction now.

When examining my initial decision I realize I did the best I could with the information I received up front and now that what I was told is not really turning out to be the case, I am pissed off at myself for not digging deeper. I am impulsive some times and I keep reexamining my earlier decision to see if maybe I was being impulsive....but I don't think so in this instance.

Anyway, the place I chose to go to school is really not a great school, not even a good school and specifically the curriculum and administration are questionable. for the amount of money I am paying to get what I thought would be an education is turning out to be a way for someone to get a lot of money for very little effort on their part.

I have made inquiries into another option for school....I have to work out a way to get the tuition, since I'm all tied up with the other school in student loans that I will need to negotiate out of or at least make sure what funds weren't used go back to the right place....so, in a few days I should have that worked out....I should feel better then....knowing that I can change direction and the damage won't be too severe or irreparable....

The new schooling option will have me done by end of November, instead of next Spring...I also feel like I need to get school done and over with and get back in to the work force, to be taking care of myself and not relying on unemployment....and to be able to get medical insurance again....I'm without insurance again and that just scares me to death.....

So, that is what I am chewing on tonight.....just trying to negotiate my life....whew!

Peace
♥