“Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question:
Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use.”
Carlos Castaneda
My life has changed so much just since February when I began this blog. I've been mulling this over today...whilst having a small pity party for myself. I really don't like to dwell in melancholy, but, find once in awhile a bit of indulgance helps me find my path again.
I set out on a deeper trek into the world of Spirit, planetary and ethereal, beginning with a class on Astrology, a trip to a Cistercian Monastery and crossing the path of Hinduism and the Bhagavad Gita. All big endeavors, for a 'life not lived' eh? I've found myself drawn to many spiritual beliefs and the rituals encompassed in them, still seeking always what the meaning of life is. In summation, what I already knew...which I believe we all know.... the meaning of life is to love and be loved...everything else is just noise and clutter. The trip to the Monastery, to be silent, showed me how loud my own head is. The foray into Kirtan with the Hare Krishna's showed me that there are MANY 'books' we can believe in, but, seriously, they all teach us the same thing, LOVE is what it's about and the noise and 'packaging' that comes with life is just that, noise and packaging. And, astrology taught me that there is a plan, always has been and that while we try to gain understanding of the plan, we will always end up where the plan intended for us to end up.
We have control over the choices we make, but, only in so much as we can choose to be happy along the way or we can choose to be unhappy....
Sometimes, our perceived path appears to be diverted, yet, it can never really be abandoned, as it was preconceived and we only have to embrace the lesson we are given as we wander down it.
Today, I've been feeling like I'm in the bushes, completely off my path, wandering without a compass...yet, I know that my internal compass will guide me back to the path, perhaps, scratched, banged up a little, but, stronger for the diversion and certainly more aware of my direction, at least I hope.
These are not the only ways in which my life has changed, but, certainly, they are part of the internal changes. A friend came to live with me in my humble little house, embracing my gift of love, which in turn reflects love back to me. My neice and I have become closer as I help her navigate through her early teenage years. I have moved on from the old work I used to do, leaving behind more than a 20 year career to heed what my heart keeps telling me, go, give, love and be loved. I have processed a significant amount of the grief I felt over the loss of my Grandmother and moved out of her house, knowing I did the best I could for her. And, I have reconnected with someone very important to me, whom I believed I would not know again and might not have ever tried to reconnect with, without my endeavor to find a deeper understanding of Spirit.
So, in summary, I feel that maybe, just maybe, I am recovering....one step at a time.
