I am writing again., over here: http://mendedheartstories.blogspot.com/. As life continues to open up around me and the dreams I dreamt as I wrote this blog are happening, I find I want to share again. However, when I logged on over here again, Blogger seems to have changed on me. That's okay, I'll figure it out and share what I can when I can.

Peace
S

REJOICE The Angry American!

Ohhh Justice will be served

And the battle will rage

This big dog will fight

When you rattle his cage

And you'll be sorry that you messed with

...The U.S. of A.

'Cause we'll put a boot in your ass

It's the American way

May the road rise to meet you.....

(Wanting to get a head start on my St. Patrick's Day wishes.....my most favorite plant ever......a lovely little Shamrock plant I have lugged with me from four different homes.)

.....May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm on your face
The rains fall soft upon your fields
and until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of HIS hand.

Hello......? Anyone still out there?

May of last year I wrote what I thought would be my last post to this blog. I set up a new blog with the focus on photography....and then sort of abandoned it. I have begun to feel the pull to blog again and have been pondering the design, focus, name and content of a new blog and just can't seem to let go of this blog. So, I decided to do some remodeling and begin again, HERE. I feel that I wrote some pretty good stuff here and I feel at home here.

So, I think I'm going to start writing here again......please stay tuned.


Peace
♥

In case anyone still stops by here looking for me......

I have moved to a new place, you can find me over here

Shannon Tucker Photography

I hope you will stop by!

Peace

S ♥ ♥ ♥

Recovered......so, goodbye

When I started this blog I really had no concept of how blogging worked....ie; followers, content, writing in html(still don't know what that is exactly), what to write, and I wasn't really expecting what I found. I found people all over the world who I enjoyed 'hearing' what they said and I even connected with some of them in a pretty wonderful way....it was a pleasant surprise. I found myself, I think, along the way also...which is, (at least the day I wrote my first post), why I began the blog in the first place. I have mentioned on several occaisions now that I don't feel that my blogging is really authentic, or rather, about me anymore...what I mean is that I have not really written from within myself, but from without myself....I write about everything in my life but my real self.

Am I making sense? It feels empty, my blogging, like I'm only producing to produce and I think I am in a place where I need to say "enough" and move on. In light of the recent events with my Niece, her suspension from school, her father kicking her out of her house and all of the events that lead up to that, I feel like I have contributed to the circumstances by embibing in the self agrandizing the electronic world facilitates.

I started examining what I was putting out there and why. In comparison to what my Niece was putting out there and why...I have decided that I need to pull back. And, this blog no longer fits its description, so, I will be closing it.

However, I am not done reading and cannot imagine what my morning would look like if I didn't have my favorite blogs to read.

At a later time, I will start a new blog, with a different focus and content, perhaps I will use only writing prompts and really delve into whimsy.....or make my focus my photography. I will be hanging out on Flickr....making an effort to shoot something every day and posting over there.

When I come back to blogging, I will stop by, I'm hoping those that have been here all along will recognize my voice.

Peace
♥♥♥

The Finish Line!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Peace
♥♥♥

The fight against Breast Cancer....Please Help!

I have mentioned here before that my sister, Candace is fighting cancer. Every time things look like she has beaten it, we get bad news....she ALWAYS rallies....she is my hero.

This weekend where I live, is the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, my family is walking in the event, my 14 year old Niece spearheaded our team, (she wanted to walk for Aunt Candace)....even Candace will be walking with us....

This post is a request for a donation. I know that times are hard and maybe you have already donated to another participant in your area or another cause that is close to YOUR heart, God Bless You. Please if you can, here is the link to my donation page and our team's page, if you can......Donate Here

I am reaching out where ever I can, through my blog, Facebook, personal email....

To anyone who is battling this horrible disease or any family member or friend of someone battling, my heart goes out to you, as do my prayers.

The photo you see above is of me and my girls....my sisters, my friends, my heroes, each for different reasons, we planted a Pink Promise Rose in Candace's honor about a year ago....we prayed that day, as we do everyday for her.

Thank you for your visit.

Peace
♥♥♥

A Few Good Men and one Brother!

Just returned from two days in San Diego.....Marine Corps Recruit Graduation! What an event. We went down on Thurday morning for Family Day and then we were honored to see my little Brother graduate from Marine Corps Basic Training! OOOH, RAHHHHH! Semper Fidelis!

Isn't he just the coolest?

Tired.....in fact exhausted.....


Peace
♥

Well, she came off the rails......

So, first thing Monday morning my niece was suspended from school. Yep, all of my talking and trying to help her get around her ownself did nothing.

Her dad has grounded her, indefinitely, taken away her phone and her computer...which I agree with, however, he's grounded her from seeing me, as well. I fully agree with the consequences, accept the part where I can't see her or talk to her. S.O.B. doesn't get it and never will.

I know it was wrong of me, but while her dad was at work today, I discovered her on myspace and we began an IM conversation....I should have told her to get off the computer and do her chores and homework....but, I wanted her to know I love her and although she screwed up, she can redeem herself. She owned her mistake, said she knows it was her fault and that she was willing to suffer the consequences....she complained about the consequences, but acknowledged she deserved the punishment.

She also admitted that she was scared and said she thinks things with her dad are at the worst they've ever been....she's just dying for his attention....and instead of talking with his daughter, making an effort to find out what the hell is going on, he sent her to her room and apparently, isn't speaking to her.

He is also 'pissed' at my sister for not telling him what has been going on....as if he couldn't have found out what is going on the same way she and I have been finding out....by watching and listening. Fricken tool......

Craptastic....

Thanks to each of you who stopped by with advice for me....I'm going to try to step back and just be here for her, no more hammering on how to conduct herself, just help her to find more productive ways to channel her energy....we've signed up at the horse barn to volunteer with the disabled kids, she's really looking forward to that and I think it will be good for her to give back in some way, might give her a different perspective.

She's breakin' my heart.....

Peace
♥♥♥ (she taught me how to make these hearts)

Advice.....PLEASE!

How do you talk to a teenager.....? How do you give them information that they will actually take to heart?

The bullying situation blew over after a visit to the assistant principal and subsequent mediation between the two girls. A boy was at the heart of the matter and he has continued his duplicitous behavior, however, my neice isn't listening anymore. Finally.....

But, I see her running in the same circle, over and over again. She's really smart and mature for her age, but she cannot see the circle she keeps making. She feeds off of drama and I know that it is the nature of teen girls, but I KNOW some teen girls manage to avoid it....how do they do it? How can I help my niece see that it is in her best interest to avoid the drama? Her dad hates the drama and to that end virtually ignores his daughter (she's got some serious anger around that, too).

I've talked until I'm blue in the face about the bullying and what constitutes getting into someone else's business and whether or not she has the right to butt in....she always says it is in the name of defending herself or a friend....which to a certain degree is admirable, however, a cop-out is a cop-out and that's what her 'defense' theory sounds like to me.

I don't want all of my contact with her to be about me 'talking to her about her behavior' and telling her to mind her own business, because, well, eventually she will quit listening....if she hasn't already.

I see her headed for another broken heart....the boy she truly has feelings for has little patience for drama and I think that her propensity for getting in the middle or rather, making drama is going to be the end of his feelings for her....and perhaps for any boy liking her for any long period of time.....(not that I believe that is the be all and end all for her happiness, but at this age boys are soooo important to a young girl).

My heart is heavy tonight....I want so desperately for her to be happy and to be a successful human.....



Peace
♥

A favorite Aunt

Well, she's actually my Mom's Aunt....My Beloved Mom Jerrye's sister, Rose Marie. We visited her and her tribe yesterday. I did not realize the effect seeing her would have on me. I have not seen her since before my grandmother died. She reminded me of so many things about my grandmother that I miss terribly. Rose Marie is the youngest of the sibs and she is the only one left now. She is a funny lady, says whatever comes to her mind, just like my grandmother used to. She loves reading and eating, she tells me. My Mom got to talk about her mom with Auntie and I think it helped her ....my mom has suffered with more grief than I realized and it seemed like she was able to excise some pent up grief.

We had a lovely meal with the rest of the tribe and an overall swell day.

I hope you had a wonderful Sunday.

Peace
♥

Guess who came back this weekend?

You may remember him from last year....or maybe not, becuase you hadn't started visiting yet. Either way, he made a return visit to help out....BobKitty! He came by today to get the back yard ready for the garden! Sooooo, excited about getting the garden in! We even had local horse poop compost delivered!

I know, I'm pathetic, right.....?

Just wait, the garden is going to ROCK this year!

Peace
♥

Ah, Spring is soooo beautiful!

So, I ran into this beauty in the yard a couple of days ago. He even let me touch him, just lightly on one of his wings. When he noticed that I was photographing him he spread out his wings for me. I don't know why, but the meeting with that Butterfly really affected me, in a good way. I printed out several poses and I am using them as book marks in the many books I am currently reading.

I surely hope you will be having a wonderful Spring weekend!
Blessings.....

and,
Peace
♥

Processing.....thoughts, feelings, the voice in my head

I have participated in my fair share of therapy. You might have guessed that if you have been reading my blog for very long. (I hope you have) And, as a result of all of that therapy I tend to over analyze my own thinking, feelings and have lengthy conversations with the third party voice in my head. I was once told that this is a symptom of co-dependence, and maybe it is. Either way, the voice, I am willing to concede, is my own voice doubting and judging myself. Because of this doubting judge I always second guess my feelings of being taken advantage of, or perhaps being used. Those are kind of harsh words for what I mean, but you get the gist. I tend to be over generous, something I have also been told is a symptom of co-dependence, always trying to be nice, please and gain favor by others and to keep the peace, etc. Maybe all true, either way, again, it is who I am and while I am aware of the therapeutic analogies that go along with the behaviors, I cannot for the life of me stop myself from getting into situations where I have been kind and generous to a person.Then feeling after a period of time that I have fallen prey to someone who is wholly capable to taking advantage of the situation and thereby rendering me PISSED....at them and myself.

So, that is when the doubter and judge really show up. "You idiot, why did you agree again to do something for so and so?", "You know that person isn't going to do anything for you, just because you were kind to them." And the little kid in me says, "but I was just being nice, really, I just wanted to be nice." and the Judge says, "no you didn't, you had an ulterior motive, you expected something in return." and again the poor little kid in me says, "oh, maybe you're right, I couldn't possibly know what my real intentions were, I'm just a stupid little kid who can't be anything but a wimp trying to win over people to be my friend." and the Judge say, "see, I told you you were stupid and that you don't deserve to stand up for yourself when you feel like you've been slighted or disrespected." and then the little kid begins to get angry and says, "Hey, I did this, this, and this for that person, I did it out of kindness and yes, you're right I expected to be respected for my kindness, you're right, I expected to be treated with at the very least dignity." And the Judge says, "you don't deserve those things, so before you let your mouth overload your butt, stuff your feelings and pretend everything is okay."

And you know what? I listen to the judge and over time the anger, frustration and the resentment build up and I begin to shut down and pull away and close myself off, for fear of puffing up and asking for the respect and dignity I deserve, but in a very unacceptable way.

And, all the while, there is another voice telling me to stop the madness and be open and speak your peace and if you have asked for something you truly don't deserve then the Universe will take care of that and set you straight.

The old behaviors and patterns, while glaringly obvious to me while I'm in the throws of them, are hard to shake. I am constantly studying myself, making adjustments, commending myself when I master a bevavior that is no good for me, reminding myself to start over tomorrow, 'drop the judge' and give myself the respect and dignity I deserve by Divine right. Lot's of processing....right now I'm in the throws and while I recognize what is going on....I can't seem to get off the ride.

That and some other things are distracting me from the finer things in life, like laying in bed reading a good book and eating a pound of See's candy.

I'll put out an update on the meeting with the school, the details are still unfolding as we found out this afternoon that the administrator we spoke to was not entirely truthful with us.....

Peace
♥