So, on the eve before I begin my final hours in my Grandparents home, I find myself sorting through photos I have taken of this place in the last 18 months. It blows me away, the changes that have occured out here in just that short time. It hardly looks or feels the same. And, yet, my Grandparents still haunt me here. I miss them. My heart is heavy with the departure on the horizon and my poor Father is doing everything he can to soften the blow.....the harder he tries, the more blunders he makes. I know I have to go and my whole heart is crying, "I am sorry Mom and Papa, I did the best I could and if I could have done better I would have". I feel like I'm abandoning them with every box I pack and every old item I leave behind. Regret dogs me once again as I look around and wonder how we might have done things differently. So, much to write about, without a clue where to begin. When I moved out here to care for Mom J, the grounds were horribly overgrown and completely unkempt. We did have a friend keeping the possiblity of fire hazard at bay, however, the over growth at the front door was pretty 'Munsters' like. But, shortly after I moved out here we began cleaning things up as we knew that we'd be selling the house at some future point. I took photos of each step, because that's what I do and also while Mom J was still alive I would show her the pictures of our progress. We had landscapers out here twice to sort out the front and back yards....the second gig was a set of Twin Brothers, Wes and Wayne....they were adorable and very nice and they did a kick ass job...anyway, I photographed the job as we went along so they would have the photos for their own 'portfolio'. I have many pics of this old place over the span of our adventures out here. I even have this fabulous series of "cowboy portraits" that I took of some of THE most hunky cowboys you ever want to see....and maybe someday, I'll showcase them here!!!! But, that's another blog altogether. I have some really great shots in black and white, taken with a 'FILM' camera, you remember those, right, they called them 35mm SLR's....ha ha ha ha....some of the old corral in various stages of disrepair and some of the ol' barn. Mom J got the biggest kick out of my use of the old place for my portraiture and usually my subjects enjoyed our photo shoots out here just as much. I always felt Papa out there with me and my subjects as we captured their images. One time, a couple of years after Papa died I came out to the Ranch on his birthday, with a bouquet of flowers and tied them to a post at the corral in memoriam of him. I sat in the back of my truck in the middle of the pasture for hours, just talking to him. We tried to solve some of the World's problems, but, obviously, we were not very successful. I miss him and his drawl. So, tomorrow my sister is coming out to help me with the final boxes and I think more than anything I asked her to come out here so that I won't be too alone with my thoughts. There will be one final 'removal' that will be the hardest, my grandparents had separate bedrooms for all of my life and shortly after they moved into the Ranch, as a handmade Christmas present my sister and I made them signs for their bedrooms - Mom for Mom J's room and Papa for his room - out of bread dough clay and stained wood. To this day those signs still hang over their bedroom doors - tomorrow I will bring them down and pack them with some of the remaining memorabilia that I have yet to box. It will then be official - Mom and Papa will have left the building........
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