Now, she is one crazy broad. Angeline Jolie. Brad Pitt aside, let's think about this....six kids, make movies, travel the world doing good.....be richer than your wildest dreams and look good doing it. I don't necessarily find her inspirational, but, if she weren't famous maybe I could get close to being inspired.....that's just my judge sitting on my shoulder pointing out that lots of people have equally fabulous lives, but, we don't know about it because they aren't "Angelina Jolie", right? So, mostly I was admiring how she appears to live her quote and that made me jealous that she has the balls to do just that, commit to a life, like crazy. Now, sorting out the part where I figure out what I want my life to be about.....that would be the hard part. Baby steps, she says......baby steps. Have I mentioned that I am not a patient person, well, I'm not. I want my fabulous life, NOW! Baby steps...remember, baby steps.
So, here's what I do know, I love to write. I've secretly been a writer most of my life. Well, maybe not entirely secretly, but, I haven't embraced it, nor have I really shared it with too many people. As a teen I wrote many angst ridden poems, love letters, and small essays, not even really essays, but, blurbs. These pagees of emotion are still around, and every so often I get them out and read through them....reliving the horror that is teen angst. So, writing is within me....waiting to be nurtured, encouraged, embraced and honed. This is something I would like to do. Could I do it and make money? Do I have the chops to brave it out in the world with my heart wide open like a target waiting for the hat trick? I'd like to think I might have the guts....I've been through alot and survived worse things, I think.
And, I know something else; I want to give - until I don't hurt anymore. What do I have to give? My heart, literally. But, first I have to commit and I don't know how. I'm not talking about committing to a romantic relationship, I'm talking about committing to love, unromantic, selfless, spiritual love. Like the nun said; "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love". (Mother Theresa). So, committing like crazy to brandishing my heart every single day of my life to give someone love, kindness, hope and peace, that is what I have to figure out how to do. Crazy is right. Behind the scenes, I am sorting through the concept I have brewing on how I might find this craziness, bare with me, the fear follows me around like a hungry, stray dog, (which as a dog lover I am always inclined to feed), so, I have to decide how I might save the dog, yet, not feed the fear.
the hard stuff
21 hours ago