"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else."
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
She walked into the room. Everything looked the same, but, somehow, different. She knew her things weren’t different, that she was different, that things can’t be different, but, people can change. Had she changed enough to make a difference? Would she be able to move forward, instead of staying in the past, stagnant, living with regret? Maybe she wasn’t really different, but, stronger, more than she used to be. When she looked around, the room was somehow smaller, old and someone else’s place. Her things didn’t fit and neither did she, it was time to move.
That’s what she would do. Move. A place that was hers to begin with. A place with windows and room to create, to open herself up to new possibilities, to shed the past and dream of the future. Believing this would be her new beginning; she grabbed the newspaper and began looking for a new home. Yes, a HOME. What would her new home look like? She closed her eyes and imagined the place, old, in a romantic Victorian way, weathered wood flooring, white washed plank siding, wood shingle roof, a complete wrap-around porch, like the porches in old southern mansions and windows, lots of windows, facing the ocean. A place that represented a clean start, the ocean would help her to wash away her regrets.
As she began her search, she wondered if maybe she could change her circumstances by merely moving away. She knew it seemed as if she might be running away from the past, but what if it really meant that she was running toward her future. The undiscovered, unknown was a scary thought, but did she really have a choice? It mattered not, she knew her life here was over and that in moving away she might be able to forget the pain and shed her old insecurities. As she scanned the classifieds for her future home she came to the realization that now she had no real ties to this place and she could go anywhere she wanted, anywhere. That alone seemed like a gift. Practicality would win out, she didn’t really have the money to be leaping the pond, but toying with the idea was fun. Again, the ocean called her, so at least she could head for the coast and live within the skirt of the ocean’s power.
As she perused the paper, she wondered what her beloved grandmother would tell her. “Child, go where your heart calls you.” So, she began to listen and in the silence she knew where to go. She tossed the newspaper and decided she needed to pack for a couple of days and just drive to the coast, once there, her future would guide her. Often times when things were so complicated she would find herself on the road out of town not really having a destination, however, always ending up in a lovely little hamlet on the edge of the Pacific Ocean called Coralside. She would start there, certainly a place that her internal compass was drawn to must have the answers, right?
Just a littel something I've been toying with.....
I am a woman on a mission to begin the life I have taken for granted for too long. Many changes have come in the last five years and while I have weathered them, I have not seriously taken any action to make changes for the enrichment of my life. The stories of my journey will be posted here......stay tuned for daily status of finally living a life not lived.....
To really live.....quit waiting for tomorrow....what if tomorrow never comes....what if you wake up, get dressed and head off to that job you hate and you get hit by a bus on the way.....what will you regret NOT doing? Telling someone you're sorry for hurting them? Giving your kid the 'attaboy' he or she needs to get them to the next level in their growth? Telling your friends how much they mean to you? Being there for your spouse when they've had a really bad day? Or, maybe you keep saying you're going to finally become the person you were meant to be......and you missed your chance because you didn't believe that NOW IS THE RIGHT TIME!
Been There, Done THAT..........
Spend more time with the people I love Read more....lots more Finish unpacking Take more pictures Set up my bench Use my bench Use the picture editing software on my computer Own a NIKON Tend the garden.....lovingly Have more company over for food..... Go to Blog camp in Reno Go to a Monastery and listen get a new defibrillator test out of some classes for M.A. Program finish medical assistant school
On the nightstand......
ECG Interpretation - Lippincot, Williams & Wilkins