"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else."
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Last month I picked up some friends from the San Francisco airport....I got there really early...(I have a fear of getting lost when I travel long distances and sometimes arrive places earlier than anticipated...)....then, found out that the flight had been delayed. No problem, I just made a few stops 'round the area and took some pictures. I found a place where I could see a the runway where planes coming over the bridge were landing. It was amazing to watch, one after the other they came over the bridge and landed, smooth as can be right in front of me. I was mesmerized by the feat of bringing a plane in to land on a tiny strip of asphalt, in what seemed like the middle of water.
I've been observing my life again, through the microscope, reviewing the details. And, life is kind of like the airport and landing a plane, right? In order to get to your destination, you have to navigate the water, the bridge and the tiny runway.
I was driving to school the other day and whilst sitting at a stop light I was running my day through my head and the list of the things I had to do played like a little recording, English class, homework, clean up the yard, do the laundry, put the dishes away.....when it dawned on me....I have a NEW life....
Surely doing the laundry, putting away the dishes, cleaning up the yard aren't new, but, they are different. Why? Because I've made navigational corrections. It dawned on me the the other day that I was thinking about the future, when school is over and it was weird because for some odd reason I kept thinking that when I get done with school I'll be going back to work.....kind of like I was on vacation, not changing the course of my life and that is when the realization hit....THIS IS MY LIFE NOW. I won't be going BACK to my OLD work, the work I hated.....even if I don't make it big in the medical world....(I'm not really planning on running the World Health Organization or anything, but, I could contribute something big, maybe), I've made it out of that old life.....THIS IS MY LIFE NOW....I've succeeded in the only thing I REALLY wanted to succeed in, getting out of an industry that was eating my soul.
It's funny, because I hadn't looked at it that way yet. I have a lot of friends in the old business, so really, I'm still connected to it, as much as I don't want to be. Sometimes I find myself thinking, (as my friends are discussing who is hiring and who is closing down and who is working with whom), maybe I should make some calls and see if I can get a job with so-and-so....and then, ding ding ding....the light comes on.....I am not going back there....I am moving on...or rather, I HAVE MOVED ON!
I've made it to one airport...landed the plane safely and am at the airport heading for the next gate....and I have seriously changed the course of my life. For me, this is profound. Even though I've realized this is my life now, I still lie awake some nights thinking about all the things that could go wrong and divert me back to that old place. Eventually I get my head back around to the runway and realize the course can only be changed by me and although I might still be a pilot in training, I've managed to navigate to a place where I am in charge and command of the flight plan.
Now I'm heading in a new direction....recovering from a life not lived.
I am a woman on a mission to begin the life I have taken for granted for too long. Many changes have come in the last five years and while I have weathered them, I have not seriously taken any action to make changes for the enrichment of my life. The stories of my journey will be posted here......stay tuned for daily status of finally living a life not lived.....
To really live.....quit waiting for tomorrow....what if tomorrow never comes....what if you wake up, get dressed and head off to that job you hate and you get hit by a bus on the way.....what will you regret NOT doing? Telling someone you're sorry for hurting them? Giving your kid the 'attaboy' he or she needs to get them to the next level in their growth? Telling your friends how much they mean to you? Being there for your spouse when they've had a really bad day? Or, maybe you keep saying you're going to finally become the person you were meant to be......and you missed your chance because you didn't believe that NOW IS THE RIGHT TIME!
Been There, Done THAT..........
Spend more time with the people I love Read more....lots more Finish unpacking Take more pictures Set up my bench Use my bench Use the picture editing software on my computer Own a NIKON Tend the garden.....lovingly Have more company over for food..... Go to Blog camp in Reno Go to a Monastery and listen get a new defibrillator test out of some classes for M.A. Program finish medical assistant school
On the nightstand......
ECG Interpretation - Lippincot, Williams & Wilkins