Monday, August 17, 2009

Possibilities spelled out tomorrow......

(the picture of the flowers has nothing to do with the post....I just liked this shot of my Shamrocks)

I have been accepted to the nursing program......Yay! However, I now have to begin the application process and the financing part.....(drag, I hate 'financing'). I got the call today and we set an appointment for tomorrow. I am contemplating what this all means. I am starting to look for subversive ways to sabotage this for myself....fear is dogging me again. I always feel like it comes back to my whining....and then I remind myself that this is my blog and I can whine if I want to...as long as I don't bore people who can actually roll their eyes in my presence, then it isn't happening, right? Carrying on......I am afraid. I am. What if I can't hack it? What if the very real issue I have with blood flunks me out? I've talked about this to the admin advisor at both schools I'm looking at and they assure me, I will get over it, however, they won't be the one with the bump and gash on their foreheads for hitting something on their way down as they passout, right? And, as we've all seen on t.v., even new, young, doctors passout at the sight of blood or dead people, right? And, if it's on t.v. then it must be true, right? I digress...I am scared. I'm a big weenie, looking for a way to avoid 16-18 months of solid brain pounding. What if I'm too old, worn out and stale to do this? More importantly, what if this is the wrong door? Maybe I'm picking this door because I equate it to the 'hardest' thing I could pick to do?

This is where I'm coming from....and I in NO WAY have a personal opinion about the degree of toughness different branches of the armed service have, however, from my personal contact with different people who have served in different branches of the armed services, it seems that one of them tends to breed a certain assumption of toughness....(I in no way want to get anyone's dander up or debate who is the tougher of the services...seriously, I think they are all tough)BUT, since I have 3 brothers who are former Marines and have spent countless hours listening to them banter about what it means to be a Marine....and when asked why they joined the Marines, they said to me, "because they are the toughest".....I'm kind of wondering if I'm not picking the toughest road, just because it sounds like it might be the toughest, eh?

What....if I'm not as tough as I think I am? What if my crusty outer shell is too tough? You know, I really am a burnt marshmallow - charred and crusty on the outside and soft and gooey on the inside....what if my outsides are too tough and my insides are too gooey? AAArrrgghhhhh.....yikes.

Okay, reality adjustment....worry about these issues after I find out if this is really going to happen......

Peace out....

8 comments:

Pastor Sharon said...

My bestfriend whom I worked with in my last profession presented me with a question that actually changed my life. The question is: What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

From that question, I went home and thought about what I really wanted to do with my life. Within a week of that question, I left a career I had spent 17 years in, enrolled in graduate school, because a full time student and stay at home mom/wife. What I realized was, if I had the chance to do what I am really passionate about, and never even attempted to pursue it, I would always have that regret!

I'm thinking you are an amazing person! You have had some obstacles to overcome and you succeeded. If nursing school is what is calling out to you, You will succeed! Why? Because it's what you are passionate about.

(Geez, I think I've been seeing a therapist too long. I'm starting to sound like her. :::)))

Don't let anyone shoot your stars out of the sky! Go reach for them yourself! YOU ROCK!

McGillicutty said...

I have to agree with PS...positive affirmation is all you need...have you thought to yourself..OMG what if I love it and I'm really good at it?
There's no need to sabotage yourself, allow yourself to succeed by saying this is the first step instead of urrgghh 18 months....what would you be doing in that time otherwise?????? Go for it girl, enjoy it, have fun it's only life!!!!

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

First of all congratulations - you got in!

Secondly - don't believe everything your little ego mind thinks. It loves comfort and the easy way - it often works to tear one down instead of build them up. It's job is to keep you safe - but often the ego works too hard and tries to talk us out of anything that involves change, risk or discomfort. Most of your fears listed above are just not the whole truth. Don't believe them.

Rudyard Kipling said something like: Of all the liars in the world the biggest is our fears. Don't buy into your fear thoughts. Take one day at a time - one challenge at a time - you can and will do it.

When your minds starts to runaway with these scary thoughts. order it to stop and have an affirming positive thought to substitute.

Hurrah! A new nurse in the works!!!

Brian Miller said...

PS - i have a steel bar on my desk with that engraved in it...i figure when i can bend the bar i don't need ti any more...you will do great...face today let tomorrow worry about itself...and congrats.

Pat said...

Congratulations on being accepted! Now take it one step at a time! You can do it! It may seem overwhelming. Set small goals. This class. This semester. Etc. We're all pushing for you!

An Open Heart said...

Wow.....thank you everyone for your encouragement. I am just being a big cry baby...
I appreciate all of your kind words of wisdom.
S

Christina said...

you are the coolest" burnt marshmallow", i know! and you can do it! i believe in you! ; )
xo

Catherine said...

Congratulations!! I hope the financial meeting went well!

I truly believe you will be amazing at this job. It's perfect for you. You have so much love and compassion to give, and you put people at ease during difficult situations. You're cool under pressure, and it's something that you WANT to do. Have faith in yourself. You can do it. ♥