(photograph: new picture, same subject, new post)
Something happened in my family over the weekend while I was gone that is extremely private and I would like to explore it in my writing and with this blog....however, I want to protect my loved one from outside scrutiny, yet, I find that what happened is ironically linked to my spiritual quest at the Monastery. I felt a struggle with myself all weekend long to have some kind of 'obvious' spiritual awakening and that the sky would open up and God would talk to me like we were just sitting in a cafe having a latte and all of my problems would be solved. But, this was not to be born and I left feeling like maybe my expectations were too high and that I was not deserving of such an epiphany as to have received such an open message from the Divine.
I'm an instant gratification kind of girl and what I really need to learn to be is a mail order catalog kind of girl...you know, be willing to wait with barely contained anticipation....that sounds kind of impatient, too, huh? Hmmm....guess I'm never going to get this "pray and have faith that everything happens in God's time" stuff....regardless, the communication between me and God, evidently, was really happening at the Monastery, because when I got home one of my prayers had literally been answered, right as I was praying it!
I have prayed for this loved one over and over and over again for many years, hoping beyond hope that one day my loved one would be ushered through the difficulties they faced....on Saturday night, almost as if I'd surrendered to the "old fashioned way" of praying, I hit my knees, in the Chapel, late in the night, at the darkest time and I humbly asked God to fill my heart with love and forgiveness, I thanked Him for all of my blessings and I began to ask for help, intervention on behalf of my loved one, crying, aching for God's hand in my loved one's life. I finished my prayer, wiped away my tears and collected myself and returned to my dorm room and went to bed.
I got up the next morning, packed my things, prayed again for God's guidance and this time I received one of those messages I had been hoping for, "If you want to go home, go, do not stay here because you think you have to, go home". And, I did. When I arrived home I shared with my Father about my expriences at the Monastery, he listened patiently and then began to tell me about his weekend.....he told me of my loved one's 'rescue'......the exact moment that I was in the chapel, on my knees, humbly praying, the rescue was taking place, here at home.
Grace is not to be looked for, it is to be expected and believed in, because, when we finally get down on our knees, it will show itself....it will bless us.