"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else."
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I keep saying that to myself. Just trust in Divine guidance. Listen to your heart and BELIEVE. I've made this my new mantra. I've been saying it for months and I believe it's finally kicking in. Taking a leap and going back to school, hoping that the money will come and that unemployment will kick in and that the stars will align, all will be right with the world - or at least my world. I've been looking backward and wondering if I've made the right choice, but, I've decided to 'practice' believing, then, I WILL believe. Looking back, just a little farther than a couple of weeks ago gave me some perspective and I believe that I will be okay. I'm taking things one day at a time, working through that and when I start to get scared and think that I might be lost, I remind myself that listening to my heart is the only way I'm going to get to the life I've not lived.
Last year I went to jewelers school and I REALLY thought that I wanted that, despite all economic forecasts I believed that I could go to jewelers school and become a jeweler and really honor the artist inside of me....but, there were obstacles. Obstacles that I just took as they came and totally steamrolled through them to get what I thought I wanted.....I did not stop to examine the trials I was going through to get to and through school. I did not finish jewelers school because I had exhausted my savings and had no money left and no income and no more unemployment. I attempted all sorts of ways to get money for school, jumped through I don't know how many hoops and no money came....but, I went to school anyway, thinking to myself nothing worth having will be easy...right? In retrospect, (I wish I didn't have to rely on retrospect to get on this world, but, I spend alot of time with ol' retrospect), I see that the obstacles, were not just hurdles I was supposed to go over in order to get what I wanted, but, the Universe telling me "hey, dummy, this is the wrong path, wrong choice, give up, look around, LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, your REAL HEART", eventually, money ran out and my sense came back and I abandoned my idea of becoming a full fledged jeweler and went back into an industry I hated out of fear and defeat. Wondering, what I am supposed to do, because I still had the feeling that I was in the wrong place, that my heart would not rest, be content until I honored it.
I reread my blog, all the way back to the beginning, just a few short months ago and looked for my heart and when I found my heart, I listened and decided I am without choice in the matter. When I made the decision to listen to my REAL heart, the peices fell into place and there were no obstacles. I begin school to become a medical assistant on July 20th! I got CPR certified the week after I was laid off and I had a meeting with my cardiologist asking him to support my decision and later on help me get a job in pediatric cardiology, the place where my heart belongs......right where my heart has always dwelled. I was always too busy just bulldozing through life, doing what I THOUGHT I was supposed to, that I did not hear any of the many calls bellowed out to me by the Divine.
Am I scared? Will this be hard? Will I have to eat top ramen for the next 18 months? Maybe. Perhaps these are the hurdles I am supposed to leap and, yes, it will be worth the effort, because, finally my heart will sing, instead of break.....as it so often does. I have experienced a real sense of peace since the decision was made and it was like a dream getting signed up for school - not a single obstacle to the financing, getting sponsored and accepting. I am worried about money, unemployment is available, but, I'm having some minor difficulties getting my claim started, but, I understand I am not alone and I am confident things will work themselves out...so, I keep telling myself, Have Faith, BELIEVE - trust your heart.....begin living your life.
I am a woman on a mission to begin the life I have taken for granted for too long. Many changes have come in the last five years and while I have weathered them, I have not seriously taken any action to make changes for the enrichment of my life. The stories of my journey will be posted here......stay tuned for daily status of finally living a life not lived.....
To really live.....quit waiting for tomorrow....what if tomorrow never comes....what if you wake up, get dressed and head off to that job you hate and you get hit by a bus on the way.....what will you regret NOT doing? Telling someone you're sorry for hurting them? Giving your kid the 'attaboy' he or she needs to get them to the next level in their growth? Telling your friends how much they mean to you? Being there for your spouse when they've had a really bad day? Or, maybe you keep saying you're going to finally become the person you were meant to be......and you missed your chance because you didn't believe that NOW IS THE RIGHT TIME!
Been There, Done THAT..........
Spend more time with the people I love Read more....lots more Finish unpacking Take more pictures Set up my bench Use my bench Use the picture editing software on my computer Own a NIKON Tend the garden.....lovingly Have more company over for food..... Go to Blog camp in Reno Go to a Monastery and listen get a new defibrillator test out of some classes for M.A. Program finish medical assistant school
On the nightstand......
ECG Interpretation - Lippincot, Williams & Wilkins