Saturday, September 5, 2009

Blog Campis interruptis......


So, I figure, this is my blog and I can cry if I want to....this, of course is a different type of crying from my usual, crying, whining and generally acting like a baby when it seems my life isn't exactly, well, perfect....but, again, since this is my blog, I can cry if I want to and right now, I do..........................................

I had to leave Blog Camp - Reno early. Why? Well, I had to attend to a little beeping sound.....I'll explain - If you're new here, you might not know, but, I've had open heart surgery three times and I have a cardiac difibrillator to cover me in the event of a cardiac event, I gave some details here, so, the story is ongoing........

A few days ago, I heard a little beeping sound as I was blogging away on my laptop, I cocked my head this way and that and it seemed as though the beep was coming from the computer, so, I shut it down and restarted it and the beeping quit. The next day, I could hear the beep again, however, it seemed to be coming from the ceiling fan in my bedroom, where I usually sit to blog, so, I turned the fan off and the beep stopped, so, again, by process of elimination, I assumed the beep was related to the fan.......clearly, there was a beep, close by.....closer than I thought.

So, at my first night of Blog Camp - Reno, I nestle down after our rousing evening of airport, dinner, prezzies and some blogging, to sleep......mind you this is late, midnight or so, (late for me) and the house is very silent, V E R Y Q U I E T......and again with the beeping......which is when I realize it's coming from my very own chest, yep, beeping is coming from me, not the appliances (yes, I consider my laptop an appliance, happy to debate that later in another post if it's necessary). I know that I cannot just ignore the beeping nor can I blame it on something else, it is in fact my chest and now, I'm at Blog Camp and I don't know what to do.
Well, I knew what to do, call the doctor and likely go to the emergency room to have the situation assessed. I did not sleep very well the rest of the night, hoping beyond hope that maybe my mind made up the beeps and in fact my chest was not beeping, however, around 5:30 a.m., again, with the beeping, so, now I think, 'Hummm, seems the beeps are occurring more often, now that I've identified them for what they are, better call doctor and manufacturer.'

So, I wait until almost 7:00 and look up the manufacturer of my difibrillator and review the FAQ's, which tell me, "Call your doctor right away if your ICD beeps." Call Doctor, he tells me to go to the ER, NOW........I wrestle with this, sort of argue with the doctor.....debate calling home, try different tactic with doctor, piss him off and determine I should probably go to the emergency room.....but, not in Reno....because, although I KNOW THERE IS NOTHING WRONG, it would be my luck that, if I go to the hospital in Reno, there will in fact be something wrong and I will wish I had my doctor and family with me......so, I departed blog camp early this morning to visit my 'home' ER.....where I can have my Doctor, if I want or need him, not to mention my family and the rest of the usual suspects that hold my hand when I'm scared.....yes, I was scared.

Much to my amazement, there was NO ONE in the ER waiting room at 10:30 a.m., this Saturday on Labor Day weekend....so, first come, first served.....FIRST TIME EVER.....yep, we usually wait and wait and wait, but, not today.
They hooked me up to all the appropriate monitors, Pops and I educated Roomie on all of the squiggly lines, beeps (no pun intended), cords, numbers related to beeps and squiggly lines, just like we were describing some kind of auto mechanics diagnostics, because, well, we've been here before and we can recite these things by rote. After all of the numbers were recorded and some calls were made it was determined that I was not experiencing any cardiac event and that the difibrillator was beeping because it is expiring.....yep, it's battery is wearing out and it has to be replaced! Within the next three months........

This is upsetting and frustrating on so many levels, but, I have to accept that science is not perfect - try to tell me it is and I'll tell you the story about my twice replaced pulmonary valve that they assured me I would NEVER, EVER have to have it replaced after the first replacement....but, I digress.....I just saw my Doc and had my ICD (Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator) interrogated (computer wand reads device and tells doc what status is) and I was assured at that time the device had at least another year on it before I would need to have it replaced. In 2005, when they insisted that I needed the device, they advised me it would last around 10 years and probably not even need a battery change for 7 years......(I'm sorry, A BATTERY CHANGE?)

The device is installed surgically, they create a little pocket above your breast in the muscle wall of your chest and park the little bugger in there, then sew up the little pocket and then you carry around serious voltage in your chest, JUST IN CASE.... you know, your heart decides to drag race around for awhile and well, kill you.......

Okay, so, back to the crying part - FUCK......I have other things to do besides have my little pocket cut open and a new shocker put in, you know, like start school....oh and then there's the part about where I am unemployed and don't have any medical insurance.....yeah, that part, that part sucks, too......(if you're new, I'm not a slacker, I was laid off from the mortgage banking industry and am enrolled in school to, wait for it, become a NURSE.....) Yes, I cried....I'm crying....not because I'm a cry baby.....really, if you'd had three open heart surgeries and an ICD installed in your chest, you'd be a little tired of it, too, so, yes, I'm crying......I'll get over it and I'll do what I always do, check into the hospital on the appointed day, let them hook me up to monitors, IV's, wear a bad hospital gown, harrass the medical staff mercilessly, bitch to my doctor that I never wanted the damn difibrillator anyway and walk out in a day or two and have a new 'shocker' in my chest.....probably the newest technology, with a written warranty for another 10 (four) years.......and, get on with my life........


I am going to join blog camp again tomorrow, but, for today, I'm feeling sorry for myself and I think I can afford one day of wallowing......but, tomorrow, Blog Camp for me......

And, yes, I know I am lucky to just be alive......
Peace
*****update: after some internet research, I've found that the device I have was recalled in 2007 and I may have a case for getting the device replaced....gratis.......!

12 comments:

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'd be fed up and crying too. Especially when you were promised 10 years and you only get 4! Great you can get back to your 'blog camp' - hope it distracts you from all of this - and that you don't beep too much. :)

Brian Miller said...

no, we are lucky you are alive. smiles.

yes, i sang the first line.

get back to camp, have some fun...and could you cut the beeping out, we are trying to sleep here....lol. just trying to get a smile.

thanks for the comment. appreciate it.

otin said...

On the bright side, at least you were not having a cardiac event! You should cry a little, sometimes it helps, but at least they did not admit you and act like it was an emergency situation!

Sara said...

I'm SO glad that, while having to have it replaced is big, it's not a cardiac event. And that it may be free. Yay! And I'm also so glad that you can have some more blog camp, too. We had a lot of fun today but we missed you!

McGillicutty said...

It was a lot of fun today and will be great tomorrow! Fun Fun Fun!!!! I am exhausted and need to get some serious sleep if they're gonna drag my ass around as much as they did today!!!! :o)

King of New York Hacks said...

I think you'll enjoy the road ahead. My brother just left finance and began his road to a nurse at 43...I admire the both of you.

marinik said...

that just really sucks ok?? wow, sorry darlin...
but i'm glad you'll be joining the gang tomorrow... try and have some fun :)
and it's ok to cry, you have all the reason to

Extranjera said...

Wow, Glad to know you're alright though!
Now have fun and beep your worries away.

Pat said...

Oh, you poor thing! Go ahead. Have a good cry. Tomorrow you can go back to camp. At least you are ok. My friend also wears one of those ICD's. She had a beeping problem, too. I can't remember the outcome, though. I'll have to ask her. She is like a cat with nine lives. I think she's on #5 now. :)

Chuck Dilmore said...

the good news is
that your Life Story
still has chapters to go!

the bad news is that
this DOES suck and
you DON'T deserve it!

still, we are with you, behind you...
and hopefully we'll give you
the energy to do great!

it's clear that YOUR heart
does more than just tick!

peace&love~
Chuck

An Open Heart said...

Bonnie, I'll keep the beeping down to a dull roar!

Brian, see above - the beeping seems to only keep me awake....the dog sleeps right through it!

Otin, thank you.

Sara, Thank you for your offer to follow me all the way down the hill.....

McGill, glad you had a good day, sorry I missed it.

King, I thought it kind of ironic that I was the patient again.....can't wait to be on the standing up side of the bed.

Mari, thank you.....I'm a pretty tough broad, but, every once in awhile I gotta just let go.

Ext, Thank you.....

Pat, I feel like I have 9 lives, too, considering I wasn't supposed to live to be 40!

Chuck, I am grateful that I'm still 'beeping'!

rxBambi said...

I'm so glad you got to come and play with us today!